Why new years resolutions fail

It’s January 25th. Have you stuck to your Jan 1st resolution. No shaming here, just curious.

My guess, is a lot of us have fallen off. It makes sense— some of us are genuinely so stressed and busy, that adding a hardcore workout to the mix might just make things feel that much more frenzied and packed to the brim; a workout would be just another thing to add to the already overwhelming to-do list.

Sometimes exercising and eating right morphs from the self-care it’s supposed to be, into something else: self-punishment. 

Often our resolutions are reactions to thoughts like, “Ugh, I gained too much weight/I’m too fat/I’m so out of shape.” So we resolve to “whip ourselves into shape.” The problem here is that these resolutions, while motivating in the short term, may be arising out of a place of shame, dissatisfaction, or even punishment for our “wrongs” (I ate waaay too many cookies this week, I need to hit the gym to make up for my bad choices). This might get you to the gym a handful of times, but shame is not a great motivator for lasting change (nor is it good for mental health).

This was my mentality for working out for many years, and I’d spend literally hours internally arguing with myself whether or not to go to the gym out of a feeling of guilt or obligation. This did not “fill my cup” or increase my joy, y’all. This just became one more thing I felt like I was failing at. 

I know most fitness gurus say in order to succeed in getting fit, the first step to getting fit is making a strong commitment, with specific goals and accountability. I’m sure there’s lots of truth to this, but I’m also one who is quick to say a one-size-fits-all approach is not going to do for everyone. If you are out of shape or out of a workout routine (and have been for awhile), all the above is INCREDIBLY intimidating and daunting. So much so that we continue pushing off that commitment indefinitely. 

So my solution? Don’t commit. Instead, just be open, curious. Focus on challenging yourself to try something new, one time. If you absolutely hated it, if it felt like a punishment, don’t do it again! 

Yes, this might sound like some lazy-ass advice. Well, there’s a reason I consider myself a self-care specialist, not a fitness expert. True, this is not the advice I’d give to a high performance athlete, but guess what? I don’t know many of those. Most of the people I know and love are the wonderful, trying-to-do-their-best, don’t-have-much-spare-time, what-the-hell-is-a-burpee kind of people. And for them—the overbooked, stressed, giving their all to everyone else kind of people—I want them to give themselves permission to ENJOY themselves fully, to feel unapologetically good. To chase healthy forms pleasure, bliss, and delicious moments of life. 

So my advice: try new things and be open to being pleasantly surprised by the things you end up liking. Let it be fun. A friend of mine went to a jazzersize class as a joke, not expecting to like it, and now she goes 3 times a week because it brings her SO much joy, and she misses it when she doesn’t go. Similarly, most of the ladies in my weekly yoga class decided to try it out on a whim, expecting not to like it, and now they come religiously every week and are sad the weeks I have to cancel. Yes, we do get a workout, but many of them call it their self-care hour, almost as good as getting a massage or going to the spa. They feel pampered and rejuvenated by it, not punished. 

How did I become a 5:30am workout person after an entire life of vowing I could never be that person? On a whim! Honestly, I couldn’t fall back asleep one morning, so I just went to the gym (expecting to hate it or wanting to return home after 15 min) and to my deep surprise, I loved it. So no, I don’t do these sunrise workouts because I have to drag myself out of bed- I now do it because I wake up naturally before my alarm goes off, and I miss that workout so much if I skip it. It truly has become easy, fun, and nourishing- trust me, I wouldn’t keep doing it if it wasn’t! I’d argue a lot of those “fit” people you see that never miss a gym day genuinely enjoy their workout and do miss it when they skip it. Yes, with time, YOU could easily be that person. As long as it stays fun.

You want to find resolutions that bring a similar quality; that brings you joy, makes you feel good in your body, mind and spirit. Then, you will be intrinsically motivated to keep showing up, no self-shaming involved! You’ll naturally start to align with healthier patterns. People always think about the “downward spiral” but there’s an upward spiral too. Good, healthy habits beget more healthy habits. People who exercise tend to eat healthier that day, whether they set an intention to or not. 

Let’s stop running and jumping on the high speed fitness train we can’t ever seem to keep up with. Instead let’s keep orienting ourselves towards a path of health at our own pace, knowing that each small healthy choice DOES count and DOES add up until, sneakily, we have developed healthier habits without some huge, drastic (ahem, unrealistic) commitment to lose 20 lbs in a month. Instead, remind yourself of my two favorite mottos: “let it be easy” and “little but often adds up to a lot.” The oxymoron is, when you “let it be easy,” you’re even more open to trying hard things and pushing yourself in a way that feels good and empowering, and you’ll crave doing it again and again. 

So as January comes to a close, if you are finding any of your well-intended resolutions have fallen off, why not tweak them a bit to orient towards joy. Give yourself permission to chase your bliss and to work towards your goal of fitness/weight loss/whatever in a way that feels good, nourishing, fun, & rejuvenating.

None of us needs another chore on the to-do list; what we really need is our own permission to take deep, loving care of ourselves, to let it be easy, to let it feel good.

With love,

Allison