Truth Bomb: It's finally time to put yourself first.

As I have been picking up more and more therapy and coaching clients, I am finding that what they love more than my support is my tough love. More and more I find myself asking my clients for permission to drop a “truth bomb” to disrupt their negative patterns.

So I figured it may be helpful to drop an occasional truth bomb here as well. It won’t be applicable to all, but it will be deeply relevant to those who need to read it.

So here’s my truth bomb for today:

To those of you who currently feel stressed out or overwhelmed.

To those of you who find yourself saying “there’s not enough time in the day.”

You are not spread too thin. This implies that something outside of you has spread you too thin. The truth is, YOU spread yourself thin. You did this to yourself.

At the end of the day, YOU are the one in charge of managing your time and your boundaries and your activities. You have more control over your life and time than you realize.

Do you find yourself saying yes to things you don’t actually want to do?

Typically, people accept the boundaries you set. If they don’t respect your boundaries, that’s a whole other conversation about toxic relationships, but it still doesn’t make it right that you can’t protect your time, peace, and mental status.

If putting boundaries around your time makes you feel “bad” or “mean,” it’s time to dig deeper into that.

Weak boundaries, or putting others first at your own expense, is a symptom of *low self-esteem* .

This is not to say that you are not capable and confident. I am often told I come off as very confident, and to some degree I am, but I am also a recovering people-pleaser, and have to force myself not to overcommit. My new mantra is “just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.”

I personally am working to undo a deep-seated belief that other people’s needs are more important than mine. I used to think this martyr syndrome made me a better, more moral person. But really, at its core, it is just low self-esteem.

Being “selfless” is not all it’s cracked up to be. None of us can truly be selfless anyways, nor should we be. At its deepest core, it is a belief that I’m not worth that time, space, attention, etc. That’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to you; it’s just not right.

The honest TRUTH is, when I take care of myself first, I love others better.

So to my fellow beautiful, big-hearted, “selfless” people-pleasers...

Say “no” to something today.