1. Gratitude
Gratitude is the key to experiencing deep abiding contentment, fulfillment, and a deep sense of “enough-ness.” It is the keystone habit for cultivating deep and abiding joy, and the effects can often be felt instantly after doing a gratitude practice. This is why we start the course here. If a daily gratitude practice is the only habit you adopt after finishing this course, you WILL notice a boost in your happiness.
In this society filled with endless marketing tactics telling you what you don’t have but need, the news telling us the world is ending, tv shows showing you lavish lifestyles, and social media inviting comparison to those high school acquaintances who are apparently ALWAYS on vacation and that lady who has a six pack 6 weeks after giving birth.
Yeah, all that can set you up for dissatisfaction or a general feeling that your life is lacking somehow.
In fact, our brains are programmed to be somewhat unhappy.
Let me explain: from a survival standpoint, your brain is wired to notice what’s going wrong. Back in cave-man days, noticing the beauty of the flowers in the field was not particularly helpful for your survival if you had a saber-tooth tiger chasing you. What you needed was to be able to register a threat and react to stay alive. In modern life we have few threats to our actual lives, but our brains like to keep busy, so we focus on potential threats to our financial well-being, sense of social acceptance and reputation, obsessing over what isn’t quite perfect or what could go wrong.
Without realizing, we are often automatically looking for negativity (and threats that may not actually exist) so we’re prepared to protect ourselves. However, unless you are ready to take action to change something for the better, getting into negative thought spirals really doesn’t benefit us. These worries distract us from the present moment, aspects of beauty right in front of us, and the life we are ACTUALLY LIVING RIGHT NOW. It also blocks out more constructive thoughts that lead us toward our dreams.
The mindset of “lack” makes us feel incredibly insecure & unhappy. Think of an issue that repeatedly plagues you (i.e. fear of rejection or judgement, concerns about money, hangups on a body that is not fit or “perfect,” or feeling about a “failure” at something). You’ll notice the focus is on what you don’t have— a deficit. The more we dwell on these things, the worse we feel. Many of the things we obsess about are somewhat superficial, not to say they are not important, but they don’t speak to your spirit, soul, or deepest values.
If our minds are wired to focus on what’s “wrong” all the time, we have to actively work to swap these unnecessary thought processes with something much more helpful and joy-inducing.
Cue gratitude.
Practicing gratitude is how we re-wire the automatic tendency of our brains to focus on what’s “wrong.” Gratitude teaches you to become aware of the blessings currently at work now, as well as teach you to start LOOKING for beauty and abundance in your day-to-day routine. Truly, what you are looking for, you will see. If you go looking for negativity in this world, switch on the news, you can easily find it. However, if you really look to see beauty, and mercy, and kindness and abundance, it’s been right there in front of you all along. You get to choose what you are going to notice every day.
Developing a robust, daily gratitude practice reprograms your brain from a place of lack to a feeling of abundance, of enoughness, of pride, and contentment, and yes, joy. Gratitude is easily THE most important ingredient to live a happy, fulfilled, joyous life. The more gratitude you practice, the better you feel. And yes, it is a PRACTICE. Most of us do not naturally lean towards constant gratitude (unless we’ve already been consciously practicing for years).
“everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it” -confucius
“comparison is the thief of joy” -theodore roosevelt
Real Life Example:
When I bought my house, it was a huge source of pride for me. I LOVED this house and was so grateful I was able to buy it, that another couple didn’t buy it first, etc. Every time I walked through my front door for months I had a moment of giddy realization that this was MY house. Then after several years of living in my house, I became so used to it, began taking it for granted, to the point that it didn’t register what a blessing it STILL is (unless I engaged in a gratitude practice to bring my awareness to this blessing).
This is true for my spouse as well- when we first started dating and when we got married, I was overcome with feeling so lucky to have found him. Just like my house, after years together, his presence feels like a given and nothing out of the ordinary. However, when I take a moment for deep gratitude for my spouse, those same initial feelings of giddiness, of awe, of pride, of luckiness, of joy, come right back to me. It feels fresh and new and beautiful.
This can be applied to almost every aspect of my life.
Can you relate? What are the blessings in your life that you routinely take for granted because you have come to rely or expect them?
Depending on the lens of glasses I choose to put on, I could easily focus on what is not perfect in all areas of life: my house is a mess most days, my job can be stressful, my baby won’t sleep through the night, my husband and I don’t always agree, etc. Unfortunately, it’s our brain’s default to focus on where things aren’t quite right. There is actually neuroscience to back this up- for survival’s sake our attention naturally gets pulled to anything that’s not right, or perfect or perceived as a possible threat. You’re probably already familiar with the phenomenon where if someone gives you 10 compliments and 1 criticism, you remember and focus on that one point of criticism. The way we live our lives typically defaults to the same way of thinking. We become blind to the 10 blessings as we focus on the 1 thing that is not perfect or needs work. By developing a gratitude practice, you start to rewire your brain to step back from the small, superficial annoyances (or even legitimate concerns) and view the bigger picture of our lives. The more you practice this, the more it will become second nature to step back from stress and see the positives. This will not only make you feel SO much better, it will also take your mind out of a place of short-sightedness or the “trapped” feelings that come with stress, and will start opening your mind and expanding your life to more joyful possibilities.
How to start a gratitude practice:
Baseline: Everyday, write down 5 things you are grateful for. If you need an extra boost, challenge yourself to write down 25. If this all feels overwhelming, start with one thing.
When you do this consistently, you’ll start to notice and relish in life’s little pleasures. You’ll start to value the people in your life even more, and maybe even start to show them how grateful you are for them, which is nourishing to every relationship.
Alternatives:
Gratitude jar: decorate a designated gratitude jar where you write down one (or more!) things you are grateful for every day. You can write down general blessings, or something specific to what happened that day. This can be an awesome way to chronicle your year- on new years eve (or any day you need a mood boost), you can dump out the notes and read them. This also can be a wonderful habit to do as a family or couple to build joy together.
Put a gratitude reminder somewhere you need it. For some people it’s their bathroom mirror, the lock screen of their cell phone, or in my case, I have a sticker on my car dashboard that says “gratitude.” It reminds me to say aloud my 5 “gratitudes” on the way to and from work or errands. I love this because usually when I’m getting in my car I am not at all in the present moment, I am fully in my head, going through my to-do list, thinking about where I’m going and what I’m going to do there, or stressing about the situation I’m leaving. As a mother of a toddler and a social worker, sometimes my thought process sounds something like this:
“Omg my house is a disaster, my kid was crying as I left and I look a mess! Oh shoot, am I going to be late? This meeting is going to be so stressful. Is that cranky person going to be there? I still have ALL that documentation to complete and those clients to call. Dang I forgot to pack my lunch- am I going to have time to run out to get some?” It’s often a swirl of stressed thoughts and some degree of feeling “not enough.” Having a moment of gratitude is an amazing way to disrupt this swirl of stress and anxiety and revel in a moment of the deep blessings and “enoughness” in your life. It can really bring instant peace and happiness in a way that sets the tone for your whole day.
Being grateful for what’s coming to you in the future:
I know this tiptoes on the philosophy of “manifesting” your dreams, which may or may not be a belief you subscribe to, but there is something very powerful about putting words to your hopes and dreams. In my yoga classes, I often instruct my students to think of a quality they would like to embody that week, whether it is to be calmer, more focused, less stressed. I then instruct them to say it to themselves in the present tense: “I am calm, I am focused, I am easeful,” knowing that just by having that intention, it is already starting to become the reality.
Our intentions are powerful, and when we add a bit of trust in ourselves, God or the universe, it takes away the anxiety behind your deep wish.
What this looks like:
I am grateful my perfect job has been selected for me.
I am grateful my business is successful beyond my wildest dreams.
I am grateful I am living my life with ease.
I am grateful I have found the right partner for me.
When we put these dreams out there, it gives us a sense of openness in which we are more likely to see opportunities when they arise, we’re more likely to connect with others in a way in which they might just be a part of the blessing we are searching for.
Want to get to the next level of gratitude? The true master of gratitude?
Try giving thanks for the WORST things in your life.
Let’s unpack this for a moment. Hardship, tragedy, loss, misfortune, and inconveniences touch EVERY life. Of course these are not something we would ever wish for, but they are inevitable. When hardship strikes, we have two options: succumb to the tragedy, sink, stagnate,
or
we use it to learn, to become wise, to rise, to become a deeper person, to prosper.
When we give thanks for our misfortunes, it instantly flips the switch for the path of resilience.
What this looks like:
I am grateful for this job loss, as it has opened me up for a new chapter and new opportunities.
I am grateful for this breakup, as it has freed me to find my more perfect match.
I am grateful for this grief, as it is making me into a deeper, more compassionate person.
Journal Prompts: (Downloadable journal format)
What are the 5 top things you are most thankful for in your life?
What are 5 little things you are grateful today (i.e. cup of coffee, not sleeping through alarm, etc).
What are 3 things are you grateful are coming to you in the future?
What hardship in your life are you grateful for and why?
